We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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