We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
