i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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