He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
