Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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