I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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