i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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