last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
