You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
