I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I could fuck to npr.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
