Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
