We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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