I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
