If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
