My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
