ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
