Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
