We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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