He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
