That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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