god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
