All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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