It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
