You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
