so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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