i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
