Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
