Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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