Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
