LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
