don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
