then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
