you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
operation have a gay friend backfired
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
