god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
