9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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