one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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