I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
