I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
