saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
