Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
