I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
