1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
