Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
