i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize