I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
As shirtless as possible
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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