she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
