when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
