Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I had to cum in my sink.
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