god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize