You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
