I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
