Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
