that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize