HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
