Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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