Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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