We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
