Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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