Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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