Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
