I will die if light touches me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
