Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
