Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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