I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
