I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
