i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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