One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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