You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My ATM looks so different sober.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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