just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
