my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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