hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
