if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
