I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You were trust falling into bushes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
