So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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