Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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