I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
