its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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