we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
