im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
