3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
