shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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