Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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