you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
