Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
