does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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