Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
