I only kidnapped one of them. chill
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
