Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
