I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
