life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize