my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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