2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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