You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
