allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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