Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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