my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just gargled with NyQuil
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
