I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
