if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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