I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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