I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
