he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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