3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize