Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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