When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
