The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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