Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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