you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
