I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
