I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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