Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
