I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
