UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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