you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize