break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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