clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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