I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
