we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
