my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ugly people sure do ruin things
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
