he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
