The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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