You can't special order awesome
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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